" e x p r e s s i o n m y p a s s i o n o n f a s h i o n "

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Tettt !!!

Haha sebenarnye my previous entry tadi tu tak penting pun. Its has been in my draft for a very long time. Don't take it for serious. Well, my blog my rules. nak meroyan ke nak berdrama ke its my right. Tak suka tak payah baca. Okay? :)

p/s : And ini last aaa aku bercakap pasal cinta. Dah penat lah weyhh. Lepas nie, mohon dah takde lagi !!! Byee xoxo :*

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F vs F


Wahhhh its been awhile I didn't manage myself to update this lovey dovey bloggyyyyy. Haha so I come back with one story to be shared with you guys.

As few of you guys dah tahu what is going on to me now, and ermm yahhh life is good actually. Hahaa I'm currently in my study mood sebab well tengah final kan. Habis final je and I'm officially part 5. How fast time flies. Rasa macam baru je jejak kaki kat Lendu tu. Tapi dah macam-macam jadi kat aku. Happy, sedih semua lahhh. Just nice kan. Haish -.-

Actually bukan tu yang aku nak share. Straight to the point, actually kan lately nie aku macam dah buat salah kat few person taw. But wait, salah aku ke??? Jeng jeng jeng. Hahaha. Okay laa now aku nak differentiate between 2 things yg few person nie maybe ingat I don't know what its real meaning.

F r i e n d l y vs F l i r t i n g

FRIENDLY : Showing kindly interest and goodwill.

FLIRTING : Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions.

*Don't assume I don't know the differences between that 2 words k coz I've google it by MYSELF :)

Okay lets start with "being friendly". To be honest la pada aku there is no wrong for someone, boy or girl to being friendly with anyone they want. Like, who the hell cares right??? Definition friendly tu sendiri refered to showing kindly interest and goodwill. So yeah, tak salah pun if kau nak berkawan or tunjukkan kemesraan tu kat sesiapa pun. BUT, have common sense lah jugak. Means takkan lah kau nak friendly sangat dengan laki or bini orang kan? Hahaha. Even me myself being friendly too with some guys yg aku kenal. Tipu la if I tell that I'm not that kind of person too. Orang bongkak je takde attitude tu. 

But, haishh too many but pulak. Hahah but for me, before wanna being friendly with someone tu, we need to look forward dgn siapa yg kita nak friendly tu jugak. Correct me if I'm wrong. I give one situation lah kayh..

Case 1 : A girl trynna being friendly with all of her friends. Including this one boy yg baru broke off dgn gf dia. And this boy pun like okay jugak laa kawan dgn dia, mingle around at least I can forget my ex gf tu. And since now he got like so called tittle so dia kena jugak la jaga nama baik dia. Nanti orang cakap dia sombong pulak kan. But at the same time, his ex girlfriend was wayyy too lonely after he left. Ahhh pathetic nya that girl. Hahahaha ye laa perempuan kan they are totally different from guys sebab guys boleh keluar lepak and forgetting the problem but girl mana buat macamtu. She sit at home alone, thinking what she have done, being fucking jealousy look at them going out happily while she is not. She just don't date any man after he left. Then she found out that somebody else catch his attention, and this ex gf pun asked him and he don't really explain (I guess) to her and than she made her assumption. Pastu that friendly girl tu ingat yg this ex gf thought she wanna take her man. Tapi sebenarnya tak pun. Dia just sakit hati je sebab that guy tak fair dgn dia. So the question is siapa yg salah? The friendly girl, the unfair boyfriend or the jealousy ex girlfriend??

Hahaha panjang nyaaa. So pada korang siapa yg salah? Okay we try this method called as " put yourself in their situation to feel what they feel " :)

The friendly girl : If I were that girl, rasanya tak salah. Sebab, they already broke off so I didn't steal anyone. And even myself pun single so no wrong laa if I'm being friendly with anyone including that boy. Kan? But like I said earlier, kena ada common sense jugak laa. That girl kan tengah broken heart so for the moment or time being I should'nt date or mesra sangat doesn't matter la kat IRL or social networking dgn her ex bf so takde lah dia buat assumption yg aku nak take her man. Haa gitu. Kalau aku sendiri nampak ex bf aku keluar dgn that girl pun maybe aku jeles jugak kan?? Again, common sense. Dia jadi jealousy tu pun bukan dia mintak aku rasa. Even sebelum nie pun aku pernah je keluar dgn ex bf dia buat activity kesihatan and dia tak marah pun. So I guess she's not that type of person yg being crazy without a reason. Contoh aaaa....

The boyfriend : Hmmm macamana eh?? I never been a man so I don't really know what men wants. If I were that boy, aku pun rasa aku tak salah. Well, is that any wrong if I mingle around after I'm being single? Tak kan? Biarlah aku nak buat apa pun kau kesah apa. Wahahhah gituu. Tapi..... again, common sense lagi. She is a broken hearted girl because of me. Bukan sebab orang lain taw, tapi sebab aku. So ingat even dia dah lepaskan aku dia boleh ke lupakan aku? Not that easy man!!! Aku kena la faham, before this aku happy dgn dia, pastu tetiba dia tengok aku bahagia dgn orang lain pulak, even we got nothing more than a friend, but still, mesti dia sedih. Macam aku jugak, what if I'm the one who don't go date any girl but she is. Macamana kalau dia yg busy and dia keluar dgn lelaki lain, trying her best to forget me, aku sedih tak eh tengok dia happy dgn other guys??? Just she don't do that doesn't mean I can broke her heart again. no way. And for every assumption she made, I should explain to her the real things. Bukannya biarkan dia dgn assumption bodoh yg dia buat. Kan??? Dia pun bukannya orang lain, sombody who used to love me jugak dulu... *even aku tak buat surprise masa anniversary macam aku janji nak bawak dia g hotel dulu* hahaha k tetiba. Tu saje je tambah :p

The jealousy ex girlfriend : Fuck that feeling and move on!!! Yes, kalau move on tu macam drive kereta auto aku dah buat kot. Hahaha. If I were that girl, supposedly I shouldn't give a single damn on whatever they do. Buat apa laa aku nak fikir pasal diorang kan? But the thing is, some feelings just came suddenly without we have any intention to have them. Macam kau tengah tidur, then kau terbangun sebab lapar. Kau mintak ke perasaan lapar tu? Tak kan? Lagi kau marah ade lah sebab ganggu kau tidur. Macam aku jugak, bukan aku mintak perasaan jealous tu datang masa aku tengah move on. Kuat tak kuat lah nak move on nie sebenarnya pada aku. For the person yg first time couple tu maybe tak pernah rasa sakit nak move on tu macamana. So just don't simply broke their heart pastu nak suruh diorg move on. Just don't. For every assumption that I made, pernah tak sekali aku cakap yg korang tu mmg scandle? No I'm not. Pernah tak aku cakap ohh yeahh you're the one that steal him from me. No I don't. Pernah tak aku g serang kau face-to-face sebab benda nie? Tak weyh tak. *even dulu aku sendiri pernah kena serang sebab tegur bf org kat fb, and bf dia mcm bodoh pegi bagitahu kat gf dia yg dia tak kenal aku padahal kenal sebenarnya, haha and no one is protecting me, I just don't think its wrong tapi kenapa bila orang keluar dgn bf aku, I don't have the guts like she does?? Dia protect that girl lagi ada lah. Hahaha how unfair this world to me* Correct me if I'm wrong. Aku tak salahkan korang pun tapi aku salahkan diri aku sebab rasa terkilan bila tengok korang happy. Bukan salah korang kan? Percayalah weyh, dah banyak kali aku cuba lupakan tapi masih belum boleh. Its hard man!!! 

So, the conclusion is, not everything that happened tu kita minta. Aku tak salahkan sesiapa sebab jadi friendly, ada perasaan cemburu tu semua coz for me kalau aku terus salahkan sama macam aku salahkan Tuhan. Sbb semua perasaan tu Tuhan yg bagi. Bukan kita mintak. Cuma kita je kena pandai control diri sendiri. Common sense tu penting aaa. Cuba letak diri kita kat tempat orang tu mungkin kita akan faham kenapa orang tu jadi macamtu. Tak banyak tapi sikit pun okay. At least kita akan cuba utk tolong dia kurangkan sikit sakit yg dia rasa. At least kita boleh gak rasa apa yg mak kita rasa kalau ada orang cuba kacau husband dia. Hahah I always tease my mom pasal nie dulu. But now abah is gone, and she's the only one I had. Yes, my father left me when I was 12. Its hard for me to move on after he left. And now I need to do it all over again. I'm not that lucky like you guys semua. So bila aku ada someone yg sayang aku, yg aku rasa boleh protect aku, aku harap sgt takde yg akan took him away. Korang kan lagi bertuah dari aku, hidup korang lagi sempurna dari aku. Satu je aku mintak, jangan amek orang-orang yg aku sayang. Especially my mother, family and friends.Tu je. Korang boleh dapat yg lagi baik dari aku. Tolonglah, aku nak sorang je dari berjuta manusia dalam dunia nie. Yg lain korang boleh amek tapi sorang je aku mintak jangan amek. Tolonglah, sakit tau bila waktu dia, perhatian dia, sayang dia yg sepatutnya utk aku tapi kau yg dapat. Sakit weyh.... Tapi kalau kau nak jugak, takpelah, amek je. Nanti je aku carik yg lain... Apa ada hal haha ;p

But don't worries, kalau aku kat tempat diorang semua, aku pun akan buat benda yg sama macam diorang buat, sebab aku rasa aku tak salah, tapi orang lain yg tengok, lain yg dia rasa. Aku tak salahkan sesiapa, tapi aku salahkan diri sendiri sebab aku tak mampu jadi yg terbaik. Kan? :)

" Dalam dunia nie, cuma ibu sorang je yang sayang adeq. Ibu je yang faham adeq. Orang lain semua tak....  Sedih aaaaa :( " - me

" Jangan mudah percaya orang. Jangan jadi bodoh. Ibu sayang adeq. Ingat tu... " - ibu


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Retardedly in love

Here I am.

Alone in my room.

Thinking about you.

Here I am.

Alone in my room,

Finding ways not to think about you.

Here I am,

Retardedly in love,

without a smile, a little scared.

Here I am hoping for you.

Hoping and longing for a feeling.

The feeling I had when being with you.

The feeling I had when listening to you.

The thoughts I had about understanding every word you said.

My ego, gone.

Just listening to you and to my heart. Is that love?

Or is it seeking for what's already in every person?

I believe in this thing. It's called the one, but I rather call it an inner knowing. Knowing there's some part of you wondering elsewhere in this universe. A person perhaps. A beautiful person. Someone you can rely on. A girl who is made for you... Me, I mean.

When writing this I don't even dare to see you in my mind. I'm scared it fades. This might be crazy, but I block almost every image of you in my head. Normally I have the opposite, just like you I'm a visual thinker.

I see you know. My body does things I don't understand. Wait, I'll try...


So beautiful.

I see your hand, I want to take it, but I stop.

I stop and stare, wishing that this is it, this is the moment. But then I wonder. I want to do all of this. Now is just not a good time. Cause n
o matter how much I convinced myself to forget you, my heart still insists to keep you.

Even this poem gets me sick. Just want to let you know that I'm in love with you. I'm going to do something special if I see you again. If I fail, I could write another shitty poem like this, but if it works, it might be a good one.

Either way.

You're amazing and I'm retardedly in love with you.   



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Have I told you yet ?

Have I told you yet..

How much you mean to me... ?

Have I told you yet..

About all the happiness you bring... ?

Have I told you yet..

That you mean the damn whole world to me... ?

Just in case I haven't..

I want you to know that... 


because of you I know what love is

because of you I know how to smile and be happy again

because of you I cant sleep at night

because finally reality is better than my dreams :)


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